A Short Primer in Scatology

A Short Primer in Scatology 

A pile of cartoon poop with stink lines rising from it, on a white background
We are so squeamish about our “bathroom business”, yet it’s an important part of our health. Here’s a short primer on your scatology!

Apparently, you can learn a lot about people and animals from samples of their poop.

Yes, really. Scatology is a field of research centered on what can be learned from excrement. We can tell what diseases ancient kings died from, and what civilizations ate before the invention of modern industrial farming.

You might be wondering, “Why is this woman writing about poop? This is gross.” Yet the reality of life is that everyone has to take a dump, and the regularity, consistency, and efficiency of your guts to extract nutrients from food and excrete the waste is as important for your health as it is to take care of your heart health and your brain function.

In other words, if you have problems with your poop — going out, staying in, too liquid, too fatty, constipation, too bulky, etc.,  — you are one unhappy person while it’s happening. Or not happening.

Over the weekend, I participated in my first 200 mile(ish) Ragnar Relay Race, Northwest Passage Ragnar. About 500 teams consisting of six or twelve runners covered the distance from the Peace Arch Park near the Canadian Border in Blaine, WA, to the fairgrounds in Langley on Whidbey Island, running against the clock to complete the distance in under the 36-hour time limit.

With that many people in a sold-out event, it is an administrative wonder to orchestrate, with hundreds of volunteers, parking lots and high schools for meals, rest areas, traffic flow officers, hot showers, and hundreds of porta potties. Honey Bucket even has a, “Honey Bucket Selfie” contest, whereby users take a fun photo in front a Honey Bucket, add the proper hashtag, and submit the photo on Social Media (BTW, I think this is a brilliant SoMe campaign). The selected photo owner gets a free Honey Bucket or $1000USD cash.

But I digress. Let’s dive in (no pun intended) and talk more about poop.

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Gaffes, Goofs, and Sundry Oops

Siamese cat hiding behind a pillow while crouching on a red couch.
Made a mistake with your food and you’re not feeling well? The world of food can be a scary place to navigate, and it can even be scary cooking at home if you don’t take care to get your routines nailed down to reduce mistakes. Photo by Imei Hsu.

As much as I believe the last three years has given me an education on clean eating, ingredient label comprehension, and the dangers of cross contamination, I still walk in the same shoes as anyone who has an autoimmune disease, chronic GI issues, and severe food allergies.

I goof, here and there. And I pay for it.

If you think there is an expert resource who avoids all gaffs, goofs, and sundry “oops”, I challenge you to find him or her. As far as my research has taken me, I have not found a single respected expert in the field who has never been “glutened”, become ill due to cross contamination, or suffered from an imbalance of micronutrients or macronutrients as they experimented with all available options.

One great example is gluten-free oats. Most of us who were placed on a gluten-free diet had a steep learning curve. Some of us did fine with gluten-free food products such as gluten-free oats; these people dove into GF oatmeal cookies and lovely GF oatmeal trail mixes that could be baked into bars when mixed with nuts, seeds, and oils.

Others of us suffered “Swan Lake” death scenes, suffering long near the white throne in our households, and feeling horribly betrayed by safety labels and descriptions that declared these products safe for people with CD/NCGS.

You often don’t know which category you fall in until you try something and it doesn’t work for you.

This post is about goofs, yours and mine.

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Chocolate Mint Coconut Milk Ice Pops

Six plastic ice pop molds with liquid filling in each on a holding tray, next to an open window.
It’s summertime, and while everyone else you know trots off to the local ice creamery, you’re wondering, “What can I have?” Wonder no more! It’s time for you to create your own dairy-free, low-sugar treat, ready in two hours.

Recently, an ice cream shop opened in the heart of the city in which I live. Last time I checked, dairy products, fake sugars, emulsifiers, and nuts are still things that turn my tummy inside out and leave me wishing I could die a quick and painless death. Therefore, no trip to the ice cream shop for me.

As for the entire town of Redmond, WA, it seemed they managed to camp out in front of this storefront in a long queue around the block each time the sun climbed in the sky. Even my husband managed to find a time to slip off to Molly Moon’s and grab himself a treat, returning home satisfied while his wife wept in her hands.

Freeze frame. Grr. Can you hear the grinding of my teeth as I smelled his milky breath?

While I did suggest that the next time he went out for ice cream he might ask if I would like some sorbet from a reputable source, I got to thinking that I should create my very own treat and then share that with all of you Hungry Minions out there who struggle with food allergies, intolerances, and autoimmune diseases which limit your choices. We deserve healthy, happy options. Yes we do!

Armed with ice pop molds, essential oil samples from virtual friend Steph Lake, a high speed blender, and simple ingredients, I have created Chocolate Mint Coconut Milk Ice Pops!

Check it out!

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